What Makes The Positive Affirmations Work Perfectly for Narcissists?

 

Photo by Debasish Lenka on Unsplash

What if we first start with the good people, shall we? Let’s face the truth. Most kind-hearted people gave their power to their unhealthy egos, are simply trapped in their denial prison, and prefer relying on positive affirmations to destroying their limiting beliefs.

They love the lies the motivational gurus constantly tell them: how great they already are, that all that it takes is to believe in themselves. Those quick fixes provide them with the “feel good” effect with the least effort.

Don’t get me wrong! We’re all seeds of greatness only waiting for us to clean the conditioning dust and reconnect with the original being. The positive affirmations would work perfectly for a period.

They could even work for a life-time if no major incident happens and breaks the fragile balance. Does this mean they would make of us servant leaders? Absolutely not. We’d only live in the shadow of that great being we were at the moment of our conception.

Do you want to know what happens to kind souls when some traumatic event occurs? The affirmations are overridden by their ingrained limiting beliefs about themselves.

Result? They start questioning their sanity since they were already “supposed” to be great. Good folks are so connected to their conscience, that they feel horrible about themselves whenever there is some phase-shift between their behavior and the original principles center.

They feel ashamed rather than guilty, and this shame could be very destructive for the self-esteem and self-worth… I find encouraging positive affirmations simply cruel, when we are intentional about exploiting others, and that all we care about is our small self.

This practice is popular among many imposters in the self-development industry: the narcissists and other manipulators who exist everywhere — more entrepreneurs than employees. Their grandiosity pattern hates hierarchy and will avoid the situation whenever is possible.

Some kind souls innocently give this advice

Interestingly, I personally know some very beautiful souls who have been using the positive affirmations in a trial to heal their emotional deep scars, following a traumatic history. They are also innocently recommending it to people around them, having their best interest in their hearts.

In my humble opinion, I think that what is helping them cope — when facing some turbulence and falling off balance — is their self-awareness. Also, the belief that our self-esteem and internal security are sinusoidal, and that it is okay!

The truth is we can definitely go through chaotic times and experience a panoply of feelings labeled as “negative” — namely frustration, anger, disappointment, disgust, etc… However, this doesn’t have to impact neither our self-esteem nor our internal security.

Simply put, those two elements don’t depend on our circumstances, or any external element whenever our Center(s) is(are) not distorted anymore. When our Center is “Family” for example, it makes perfect sense our internal security would be unstable depending on the family’s reputation.

That’s why those good people would absolutely need their affirmations whenever something wrong in relation to their family happens. They use them as a tool to regulate their emotions.

On the other side, when the real homework of re-writing the subconscious program is done, the Center becomes the “Principles”; which are, by definition, unchangeable.

What those kind-hearted individuals ignore when they recommend the positive affirmations is that not everybody can make use of their self-awareness unique endowment.

As a result, it can rather destroy their self-esteem. This happened to me two years ago. I almost committed suicide. I am sharing this because I don’t want any kind soul to live with such guilt while they have all the good intentions of the world when giving their advice.

What about the affirmations’ impact on character-disturbed individuals?

A few days ago, I had an epiphany:

What makes the positive affirmations work perfectly for narcissists?

They already know they’re bad to evil. They built a powerful false self they’re selling to the world. They’re almost disconnected from their conscience and so unable of self-introspection.

In other words, nothing from their interaction will make them doubt and feel bad about themselves like the kind-hearted folks. The positive affirmations are their favorite toy. They confirm their delusional perception of themselves and feed them.

That’s why so many narcissists love the spiritual groups' tendency. They even took advantage to become their “leaders”. Their charisma and incredible ability to mirror the good people virtues help drastically.

Think of it this way: Even in the absence of their narcissistic supply — which they need to survive — they still have their affirmations…

I know it sucks, and that brings me to my calling:

Contributing to reversing the imbalanced, selfish, immoral, manipulative world in which we’re living through educating the kind-hearted people, and getting them to realize they are the secret weapon whenever they decide to break the denial circle, become self-aware and pay the transformation’s price.

Should you be interested, I went through the difference between the “Emotional Imbalance” and the “Character Disturbance” in detail here. 

What if someone compliments you?

When someone compliments you, the person is recognizing a “fact” — at least their reality. Of course, it makes you happy to be seen for who you are!

The positive affirmations, on the other side, are about telling yourself things that don’t exist yet for the sake of tricking your system to believe them and make you feel good about yourself. They are a tool. They only numb the limiting beliefs.

When we transform, on the other hand, we don’t need them anymore; simply because the virtues we were craving so much become part of who we are.

You need to pay attention to an important detail though. Make sure the individual you’re interacting with is complimenting you, not flattering you!

The latter is a manipulation technique used by all narcissists in the “love bombing” phase. They make you feel validated, understood, valued, loved only for the sake of exploiting you in the next step.

Narcissists adore compliments! They’re basically looking for two kinds of narcissistic supply (what they need to emotionally regulate themselves):

Attention, approval, admiration, recognition, acknowledgment, adoration, gratification. They’re getting this first type from compliments, awards, applause, or simply from giving them the opportunity to sit there and talk for hours.

Your confusion, your frustration, your anger, your suffering. Keep in mind they lack empathy, and are almost disconnected from their conscience; thus, don’t feel guilt for causing harm. Your pain makes them feel in control when you stop providing them with the first category of their narcissistic supply.

What does living by the principles result in?

By centering our lives on the universal and correct principles, we create a solid foundation for the development of our four life-support factors:

• Our SECURITY will be based on correct principles which, by definition, are unchangeable and timeless.
  
  
• We will have a clear DIRECTION, and will also know how to get there.
  
  
• Our JUDGMENT: All our life experiences will be interpreted as opportunities for learning and contribution. More to the point, the word “failure” does not frighten us anymore.
  
  
• Our POWER is only limited by our understanding of the correct principles.
  
  

How to become principle-centered and what is the starting point to get there?

By making use of our unique four human endowments:

We develop our self-awareness to determine whether the program dictating our behavior is principle-based or if it is a function of conditioning. We let our imagination, our conscience, and our independent will re-create our new, unique, and principle-centered program and act based on it.

Are there some pre-requisites?

Brilliant question and the answer is: “Absolutely!”.

The very first pre-requisite is humility. It takes humility to give ourselves the permission to break free from our denial circle; which is the most difficult step.

The second pre-requisite is honesty. We need to be able to admit to ourselves that our subconscious program sucks and that we need to do something about it.

Openness to challenge our limiting beliefs — which are so ingrained we have been taking for the absolute truth — is the third in the list of pre-requisites. The following one is bravery.

Humility is the mother of all virtues because humility acknowledges that there are natural laws or principles that govern the universe. They are in charge. We are not. Pride teaches us that we are in charge. Humility teaches us to understand and live by principles, because they ultimately govern the consequences of our actions. If humility is the mother, courage is the father of wisdom. Because to truly live by these principles when they are contrary to social mores, norms and values takes enormous courage. ~ Stephen Covey

 

What is the price of transforming and what does it take?

We need to understand that the transformation will be accompanied by pain. We are such good liars simply because we are hardwired to avoid hardship… Our unhealthy ego is extremely resistant.

I have been there a major part of my life. Re-writing the subconscious program is painful. This pain can reach some ‘seemingly’ unbearable levels from time to time.

What personally helped raise my bravery level over and over again was having this faith I was doing that work for much bigger than my small self.

I didn’t have much of a choice after my existential crisis and having been psychologically abused by a malignant narcissist — when I was trying to heal and understand what was happening to me.

I was about to kill myself before being saved at the last moment by the grace of my pure love divinity through a visualization. What was it about? It felt like an out-of-body experience.

It was as if the original servant leader in me separated from me to make me see the big lies of my sick ego; that this gigantic universe is not revolving around me, and that I am here for much bigger than what I have known so far.

This realization humbled me. Without even putting my hand on my heart, I could hear it beating, my tears were flowing like a river and I was feeling so grateful for this spiritual awakening.

This led to wholly transform the miserable former me through destroying all the limiting beliefs, and writing my chosen program in alignment with our original principles Center: our conscience.

I would lie to you if I told you it wasn’t hard. I hated it, I doubted it so frequently that I thought I was becoming crazy; I can’t even recall how many times I wanted to give up. This is bringing us to the next pre-requisite: patience. The transformation process is anything but a quick fix.

Last but not least, this investment will never be fruitful without consistency. The self-awareness exercise needs to become a daily habit so that we can give ourselves a chance to re-write the subconscious program.

This is taking into consideration one of the main differences between the conscious and subconscious minds: while the conscious mind is learning creatively, the subconscious one is habitual and repetitive.

I am your constant companion. I am your greatest helper or heaviest burden. I will push you onward or drag you down to failure. I am completely at your command. Half the things you do you might just as well turn over me, and I will be able to do them quickly, correctly. I am easily managed — you must merely be firm with me. Show me exactly how you want something done, and after a few lessons, I will do it automatically. I am the servant of all great people; and alas, of all failures as well. Those who are failures, I have made failures. I am not a machine, though I work with all the precision of a machine plus the intelligence of the human being. You may run me for a profit or turn me for ruin — it makes no difference for me. Take me, train me, be firm with me, and I will place the world at your feet. Be easy with me and I will destroy you. Who am I? I am a habit. ~ Anonymous

 

What about the starting point?

A visualization exercise we call “Start With The End in Mind” or “How Do You Want to Be Remembered?”

In your mind’s eye, see yourself going to the funeral parlor. As you walk inside the building, you notice the flowers, the soft organ music. You see the faces of friends and family when you pass along the way. You feel the shared sorrow of losing, the joy of having known that radiates from the hearts of the people there. As you walk down to the front of the room and look inside the casket, you suddenly come face to face with yourself. All these people have come to honor you, to express feelings of love and appreciation for your life. Now think deeply. What would you like each speaker to say about you? What contributions would you want them to remember? Look carefully at the people around you. What differences would you like to have made in their lives?

 

Takeaways

You can contribute to reversing the superficial, cruel, and unfair system we’re living in. All you have to do is to realize you are the secret weapon whenever your program becomes principle-centered; in other words, your friend.

How come? Simply put, when re-writing your limiting beliefs about yourself and the world– where all the subtle manipulation happens, you reconnect with your purest gut.

Why is that relevant at all? Part of reversing the distorted system is stopping enabling the character-disturbed individuals.

What would this result in? Drastically reducing the imbalance manifestations: wars, global warming, poverty, illiteracy, physical, psychological, and mental health issues, etc…

You might be tempted to ask about the link between the invasive subconscious program and the physical diseases. The answer is given by the epigenetics science I will hopefully explore another time.

Re-writing your program will guarantee a brighter future for the generations unborn as well as for the planet. I hope this is tempting enough. If not, I will always respect your free will!