The Proust Questionnaire Answered by Myriam Ben Salem

 

Photo by Evan Dennis on Unsplash

1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?

Before answering this question, I need to admit that I became allergic to the word “perfect”, given I am a recovered perfectionist! This being clarified, I tend to make the difference between joy, happiness/fulfillment, and wholeness.

• Joy: pure moments of connecting with the inner child! It takes nothing fancy or extraordinary. A tiny plant growing out of sidewalk cracks, some magic bond with an animal in the street, a beautiful rainbow — you name it — can be a trigger to feel a sudden joy! The secret is the ability to wonder and be present so that to enjoy the simplest things. I couldn’t find better than this kid to model what I mean:

Mommy Takes Baby Shopping Through Christmas Aisle

• Happiness/fulfillment: the product of having reconnected with the servant leader in us and of being on a noble mission that goes beyond ourselves instead of chasing a self-serving goal and “success”. The mission does not have to be as big as saving the world from a pandemic. It only needs to be principled and is the manifestation of our “Spiritual Intelligence”. Inspiring a person or making their day through a simple free act of kindness does the trick! Should you be interested, I wrote a few stories about the topic: This Year I Decided Not to Celebrate My Birthday, Beggars Need Much More Than Your Money, Do You Ever Wonder About The Link Between Money And Happiness?, and When Genuine Kindness Opens Up Doors for Limitless Gratitude.
  
  
• Wholeness: feeling whole goes beyond happiness. It is the fruit of an individual and a group investment at the same time. Our part is re-writing our invasive subconscious program so that we move back to our secure attachment style and unleash the servant leader in us. Thus, we become what we call an interdependent individual.

When I am physically interdependent, I know that I can do any physical task alone. But, I also recognize that you and I, working together, could do much better than, even at my best, I can accomplish alone. If I am emotionally interdependent, I am emotionally healthy and self-reliant, but I also admit my need for sharing the love. If I am intellectually interdependent, I can recognize that our analytical skills put together could take us to the farthest places I would have never been able to reach alone!

The difference between interdependency and wholeness is the other party's contribution, except for the spiritual dimension! Should you be interested, I explored the topic in detail here.

2. What is your greatest fear?

I am not quite sure whether I can call this a fear, but I am worried about the idea of dying without witnessing some real change when it comes to the global awareness around the invasive subconscious program and its numerous manifestations.

It can go from something as simple as unintentionally hurting a beloved person because of our insecurities to discrimination, free cruelty, global warming, wars, etc.

But, since I am optimistic and that I tend to be self-aware most of the time so that to catch myself whenever I feel anxious about what I don’t control in any way, my worry transforms into hope! I shot this message a few time ago:

3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

My lack of self-discipline. Should you be interested, I went through the topic in detail here.

4. Which living person do you most admire?

It will be too hard to nominate only one person. That would be unfair! I admire so many folks. All the servant leaders I had the honor to meet in person or to hear about their stories. The woman in this story is one of them.

People of integrity who never hesitate to unapologetically tell the truth and do the right thing no matter what. All the soul friends I was privileged to know and with whom I knew the real meaning of a healthy relationship and of someone having our best interest in their heart — sometimes without physically meeting even for once!

5. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

Toxic positivity!

6. On what occasion do you lie?

I was lying about my feelings for two reasons: 1. because my intrinsic worth was discriminated against and that I was believing how I feel was not important, and 2. to avoid worrying a person who cares about my well-being — or at least was giving me that impression.

I used to make excuses whenever I couldn’t say “No” to a request or invitation because of a lack of healthy boundaries. Moreover, it happened for me to lie to cover a friend’s lie from time to time.

It stopped two years ago after having, miraculously, been saved from ending my life. I don’t feel the need to lie anymore, not even to kids whenever they ask me a direct question. In my humble opinion, children need to be able to trust the grownups, and telling the truth no matter the topic is part of the equation.

A friend of my parents who is 75 told me once: "I asked my mother about how I came to life. She told me a ridiculous story. When I discovered the truth a few years after, it was the day she lost my trust forever".

7. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

Re-writing the invasive subconscious program without hesitating!

8. What or who is the greatest love of your life?

The universe. My pure love divinity.

9. When and where were you happiest?

Starting from September 2018. When I stopped surviving.

10. Which talent would you most like to have?

Flying! I am assuming it could be a fantasy? 😁

11. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

The fact that I hate cooking and running.

12. What do you consider your greatest achievement?

Setting myself free from the hell of my life-time of conditioning! I am forever grateful to the universe for all the hardships I had to manage when I was ready.

13. Where would you most like to live?

Wheverer I can find like-minded and light-hearted folks!

14. What do you most value in your friends?

Their unconditional love and support.

15. Which historical figure do you most identify with?

Probably the most difficult question of all. The answer is: “I don’t know!”

16. Who are your heroes in real life?

Please refer to question 4.

17. What is your greatest regret?

None. I made so many horrible choices. I fell for the wrong individuals. I disappointed and hurt a bunch of people. Having suffered from a “rescuer” pattern my entire life, I broke my heart multiple times while trying to “save” a person either from themselves or an abuser. Should you be interested, I wrote this story about the pattern.

More to the point, it all happened for a reason, and if I could start over again, I wouldn’t change a single detail.

18. What is your motto?

There are so many things I ignore, so many I will probably never know, so many I will always have some doubt about. But what I know for sure is my being and the power of our energy & free acts of kindness in uplifting and inspiring people around us and in building trust in the long run!