Spotting The Inconsistency in Relation to Walking The Talk?

Photo by Arina Wong on Unsplash

“Begin challenging your own assumptions. Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won’t come in.” — Alan Alda

If you made it this far, I’m guessing the answer is straightforward, which is making me even more excited to share my thoughts with you, dear readers!

If you are a new one, I am thankful you decided to stop by. If you are a returning one, you already know how much I value and am humbled by your loyalty and trust!

A few days ago, I published this article. One of my friends reported to me that she loved the gym sample and that she couldn’t agree more when reading the explanation. Still, she wouldn’t have been able to spot the abuse, should she have witnessed such a scene.

I might need to specify that my friend is part of the intellectually smart kind souls that I had the privilege to know, who is anything but delusional or completely unaware of psychological matters.

Why is that relevant at all?

We break our denial circle. We start being self-aware and recognize how much our subconscious program is distorted. We know where we are in terms of attachment style. We even see our limiting beliefs, as well as the different shields we built against our profound shame of never feeling good enough for what they are.

All of the above sounds fabulous, right? It undoubtedly is a first win which deserves to be celebrated! If you can recognize yourself in the description, know that you are part of a minority of knowledgeable and honest folks who are ready to take their power back and set themselves free from their life-time of conditioning.

Does knowing mean transforming?

The answer is, unfortunately, “no”. If we know without using the information to re-write the corresponding algorithm in our program, the transformation is unlikely to take place despite all our good intentions.

For instance, we can wholeheartedly think that principled servant leadership is the way to drive prosperous changes and give back to the world in the most effective ways at a conscious level. Our conscious mind is directly linked to our conscience, or the universal principles (our original center), or the source — aka the spirit.

Interestingly, at a subconscious level, we have a conflicting algorithm — something like “We need bold (equivalent to ‘uncaring’ when boldness is not backed by principles) people with some formal authority to drive a change”. We are not even aware of this limiting belief vehiculated to us during the childhood.

Let’s suppose that we are listening to a podcast celebrating a globally recognized ‘leader/facilitator’ who is, in reality, a subtle manipulator. Which part of our brain do you think would be responsible for analyzing their speech? Bingo! The fastest process.

Let me give you an idea: The conscious mind operates at 40 bits per sec, while the subconscious one speed reaches 40 MILLION bits per sec. No — your eyes are not playing tricks on you!

More to the point, when there is a phase-shift, the latter part of your brain will always win. That’s why knowledge is not enough. If it was the case, nobody would have been manipulated (also valid for those of us with the highest IQ level, as counterintuitive as it may sound).

If it was the case, nobody would have fallen for abusers — sometimes even spend decades in marriage with them. Those troubled souls take advantage of the invasive program. Simple and tricky at the same time!

Our program needs to become principle-based (again) so that we can automatically see the inconsistencies. I know that many individuals tend to link critical thinking to problem solving. This definition is quite popular in the business context. Many HR specialists love using it as a selection criterion.

Surely, this definition is part of the gift. Nonetheless, it is anything but the most important one. Richard W. Paul said it best:

“Critical thinking is thinking about your thinking while you’re thinking in order to make your thinking better.”

 

I love this description of a serious self-awareness exercise where we not only diagnose but re-write. Interestingly, some algorithms would be more challenging than others; hence, requiring consistency. I would even say it is the case for most of them.

Why? Apart from the speed constraint, your conscious and subconscious minds are different in terms of the way of learning: While the conscious mind is creative, the subconscious mind is habitual.

I am your constant companion. I am your greatest helper or heaviest burden. I will push you onward or drag you down to failure. I am completely at your command. Half the things you do you might just as well turn over me, and I will be able to do them quickly, correctly. I am easily managed — you must merely be firm with me. Show me exactly how you want something done, and after a few lessons, I will do it automatically. I am the servant of all great people; and alas, of all failures as well. Those who are failures, I have made failures. I am not a machine, though I work with all the precision of a machine plus the intelligence of the human being. You may run me for a profit or turn me for ruin — it makes no difference for me. Take me, train me, be firm with me, and I will place the world at your feet. Be easy with me and I will destroy you. Who am I? I am a habit. ~ Anonymous author

 

I am still speculating about the main factors making some of us commit to the adventure till the end and others give up in the middle, or even worse stay at the leaves while fooling themselves with the positive affirmations.

I am not saying this tool doesn’t give any result. It worked for me during the first phase of my journey way before my out-of-body experience and real awakening. I am only saying it is limited.

Even if no major incident occurred in your life and that would automatically override your positive affirmations with your ingrained beliefs, you would merely live in the shadow of the servant leader in you. I wrote this article about the danger of affirmations a few time ago, should you be interested.

It seems to me that one of the ingredients would be our ‘why’. If the purpose of our transformation is solely feeling better about ourselves, chances are high we will not be able to pay the price: the pain of meeting our demons and conditioning constructs. Some mission that goes beyond ourselves might be the key!

Walking the talk inconsistency

What if we explore it through an example from our daily life? Let’s suppose that we are again at the gym. Our coach is a Yogi this time. During the meditation, their talk sounds like this:

“Now, it is time for you to let go of what you don’t control, be it the ringing of a phone, some members speaking very enthusiastically or even laughing loudly, the sound of the cars outside the building — you name it.”

Let’s now imagine that the cleaning service responsible enters the classroom for some reason; another class, same coach. The lady is busy doing something at the far end of the room.

She might ignore that it is preferable for the staff not to be present during the class period, or there might be something urgent she needed to do. No matter the justification, here is what a decent coach walking their talk would do:

Let go of what they don’t control, continue their class smoothly, and maybe talk to the cleaning service responsible afterward to first understand her reasons and second gently remind her of the rules of procedure.

On the other hand, what would the behavior of an abuser look like? They would be irritated. They would stop the class and aggressively talk to the lady about her ‘unacceptable behavior’. In the best-case scenario, they would show their frustration with their body language and wait for her to finish before resuming the class.

Would anyone from the present members who would observe the scene feel something is off? Probably not. Why not? Simply put, they might confuse the coach’s reaction with ‘professionalism’.

Last thoughts

If manipulators/abusers have been successful in spreading their venom for hundreds — if not thousands — of years, take advantage of millions (probably billions) of human beings, and are seldom being held accountable for their wrong, it is because we are enabling them in the first place.

How can we stop the hemorrhage? Through rewiring our program and destroying our limiting beliefs that they exploit remorselessly. There is no shortcut if we want to prepare a brighter future for the generations unborn, I’m afraid!

We all come to the physical world, spend some time, and disappear. The question is: “How would you like to be remembered?”