What If You Set Yourself Free?

Photo by Karim MANJRA on Unsplash

From your abuser(s) prison

Abusers are troubled, empty, and shallow individuals with whom you could have built a toxic bond — a parent, a partner, a friend, you name it! Even if the emotional abuse is more covert & subtle than explicit, you need to realize that if you:

• Find yourself questioning your worth and/or reality,
• Start defending yourself while you initiated an argument about some bad or heartless behavior and that you don’t get how it suddenly became your fault,
• Feel confused by witnessing the phase-shift between the talk and the walk, shocked by some disproportional rage triggered by a narcissistic injury, and the list goes on.
  
  

Then you need to start paying attention to the patterns, spot those red flags and help yourself. You need to understand that an emotionally abusive relationship is never good for you and that you deserve much better.

It is not your fault if the character-disturbed people you met — or didn’t even choose to if it’s a family member— suffer from a malignant mental disorder (you need to know the Cluster B Disorders by heart to preserve your sanity).

I can fully relate to your compassion, strong desire to help them, as well as your tendency to always keep hope that they might change. All kind souls share those beautiful virtues and givers’ attributes. I don’t only get it; I also do value it.

But here is the deal: chances are close to zero they would change. How come? Their “grandiosity” pattern blinds them from admitting there is something wrong with them at all. They would even dare say remarks like “I know better than this dumb therapist!”

Above all, your sanity comes before. Remember: Without putting your mask of oxygen first, you won’t be able to be of any help to anyone anyway. It seems to me that psychological abuse is way more impacting than physical or sexual abuse, as counterintuitive as it may sound.

When we beat you, you know the origin of your physical hurt, and that somebody mistreated you. When we abuse you sexually, you also do not doubt what you endured. Interestingly, when your perpetrator abuses you psychologically — especially in a subtle way, you aren’t able to tell what’s happening. Result? You start questioning your worth.

You deserve freedom. You owe it to yourself. You are anything but selfish whenever you decide to stand up for yourself. Stop feeling for your abuser(s) and finding excuses for them — at least until you can set yourself free from their prison and heal.

I know it is not easy to go no contact. It could be a supervisor, and you cannot afford to quit your job. It could be a partner or a parent on whom you depend financially. In such a case, please educate yourself thoroughly about the different strategies so that you can adapt your behavior accordingly.

From your limiting beliefs about yourself

It implies knowing exactly where you are, which kind of attachment style your life-time of conditioning made you adopt. There are three types of insecure attachment styles: Anxious-Preoccupied, Dismissive-Avoidant, and Fearful-Avoidant.

When you destroy your limiting beliefs about yourself, you partially reconnect with your intrinsic worth. Moreover, you start moving from your insecure attachment style to the secure one — where you build your healthy boundaries, where you share a genuine love and engage in nurturing relationships.

The reason why the reconnection is partial is that you still carry your limiting beliefs about the world, where most subtle manipulation happens, making you disconnected from your original Center “The Principles” — aka the conscience, the source, or the spirit.

Your distorted Center could be “Family”, “Spouse”, “Friends”, “Work”, etc. You can also have a combination of different Centers. Your intrinsic worth is still limited, at this stage, since it depends on a changeable Center.

Destroying the limiting beliefs is different from numbing them through mapping the positive affirmations, which are reversible and overridden with the first traumatic event.

How do I know it? That was the first part of my adventure. Despite their very satisfactory result, which could last for a while, I had an existential crisis because of two incidents occurring in parallel.

Then, I was abused by a malignant narcissist and thought of committing suicide before being miraculously saved at the last minute by the grace of my pure love divinity through an out-of-body experience.

It was as if the servant leader in me dissociated to make me see all the lies of my unhealthy ego and realize this gigantic universe was not revolving around my small self. Most importantly, and during this magic dissociation, I was able to visualize I was on this planet for a mission. That was the moment of my migration from being religious to spiritual.

More to the point, you will have to take this first step very seriously, diagnose your patterns carefully, be very honest about them, and progressively break them. Mapping what you wish for yourself only contributes to keeping the dangerous phase-shift between your conscious and subconscious minds.

From my own experience and numerous observations, we commit to unbecoming the filter and are accountable whenever we reach a point of no return. This adventure can be very fruitful even when you make your mind not to dig and find out exactly what in your caregivers’ behavior contributed to creating your limiting beliefs about yourself.

Defining them in complete honesty, being open enough to challenge them, and taking the responsibility to change what you never chose in the first place should do the trick. This decision is, to me, the highest level of wisdom and bravery!

*unbecome the filter: getting rid of all the life-time of conditioning constructs and going back to the original being; moving from the personality sphere to the character arena.

From your limiting beliefs about the world

It happens when you make use of your self-awareness unique endowment to practice your critical thinking skills, question anything you read or listen to, any thoughts about the world, including yours, in relation to the universal principles.

During this process, and through progressively re-writing your biased algorithms, you finish the process of moving to the secure attachment style, and you become able to spot manipulators in no time through observing the inconsistencies.

For you to understand the power of your limiting beliefs about the world, let me give you an example:

Let’s suppose that I believe in servant leadership at a conscious level, but that the algorithm in my subconscious program says “Leadership means power, and formal authority is power”.

What will happen if a brilliant manipulator — internationally recognized as a helper — will talk formal authority? I will not even pay attention to it, since my subconscious mind is way faster than the conscious one. Thus, it is responsible for analyzing the data received from the external world. I will even feel inspired by their manipulation.

This step is my favorite part of re-writing the subconscious program because it makes us move back to our original Center granted by the divinity, among other beautiful gifts.

Only when you destroy the limiting beliefs about the world, will your reconnection process with your intrinsic worth become complete, and your internal security stable and irreversible.

That’s how you become:

• Authentic and able to speak your truth even when everybody is buying into lies or pretending,
• Vulnerable and capable of exposing yourself emotionally despite the risk to be ridiculed,
• Genuinely kind and generous,
• Truly humble,
• Faithful to your principles no matter the circumstances,
• A person of integrity with an abundance mentality and who is emotionally mature,
• Connected to your inner-kid and able to practice lovable silliness and self-deprecating to inspire,
• A source of light spreading contagious energy,
• An individual full of gratitude for pretty much anything,
• A passionate — the sparkling eyes, the excitement, the enthusiasm, how moved you could become when visualizing the outcome of your life mission much broader than yourself, and the vibes you’re vehiculating even through your written words.

Simply put, you reconnect with the servant leader in you. You also reach the highest level of critical thinking skills but, first and foremost, reconnect with your purest gut, which was biased by the conditioning. It gives you the possibility to feel the manipulation. You can even see it from a simple picture through the facial expressions of the manipulator.

What can you get from re-writing the program?

You can stop at the first step of re-programming your subconscious program — your limiting beliefs about yourself — and live a healthy life if you are lucky and knowledgeable enough to avoid getting trapped into manipulators’ games.

Some people are experiencing both of the transformation steps in parallel, even though it is, probably, one of the two reasons that might explain why they stop before finishing.

It becomes too painful for them to manage the two levels of limiting beliefs at the same time — or at least that’s the impression their unhealthy ego is expert in giving them!

The second more decisive cause is their “why”. If the fuel of your transformation is merely the pursuit of happiness, chances are high that you would give up sooner than you would wish.

Mark Manson said it best here:

The pursuit of happiness plunges us head-first into nihilism and frivolity. It leads us toward childishness, an incessant and intolerant desire for something more, a hole that can never be filled, a thirst that can never be quenched. It is at the root of corruption and addiction, of self-pity and self-destruction.

Their unhealthy ego takes its power back, and they, unfortunately, come back to their instant gratifications and numbing techniques, including the dangerous positive affirmations. I explored the topic here, should you be interested.

On the other hand, when you set yourself wholly free, you can:

• Save your kids from any possible abuse at home or school by identifying the techniques from your children’s emotional daily shares. You need to gently trigger the discussion even when your kids don’t seem to feel hurt,
• Contribute to elevating the global awareness around the world’s critical issues: the mental and psychological health issues, suicides, the world’s resources imbalance, stigmatization, global warming, wars, etc. All of them are the product of those eternally tormented souls’ venom they took care of vehiculating to the global subconscious program for thousands of years.
• Invest everything you can in leaving a principled legacy and preparing the path for the generations unborn to thrive and reverse the distorted world’s system.
  
  

Last thoughts

Setting yourself free from all that you never chose is the most rewarding investment of your entire existence. The outcomes of moving back to the original servant leader you used to be will be beyond your imagination. It will be your biggest paycheck ever.

Interestingly, the question I hear frequently is, “If we commit to this transformational adventure till the end, does this mean we won’t feel pain anymore?”. I am afraid the answer is ‘No’, even when you entirely re-write your program; which is probably too optimistic, to be frank. It is the part that I find incredible about the subconscious program.

No matter how many algorithms we could have rewritten or the level of our reconnection with the true self before any conditioning began, there will always be some unsuspected patterns we discover with new events taking place in our life without our permission.

This reality has the magical power to humbling us over and over!

Again, I will let the brilliant Mark Manson provide you with more insights about the topic:

When we pursue pain, we are able to choose which pain we bring into our lives. And this choice makes the pain meaningful — and therefore, it is what makes life feel meaningful.

Because pain is the universal constant of life, the opportunities to grow from that pain are constant in life. All that is required is that we don’t numb it, that we don’t look away. All that is required is that we engage it and find the value and meaning in it.

Pain is the source of all value. To numb ourselves to our pain is to numb ourselves to anything that matters in the world. When we deny ourselves the ability to feel pain for a purpose, we deny ourselves the ability to feel any purpose in our life at all.

 

To all the kind-hearted individuals: the world desperately needs you to reverse the system. Would you listen to the call, please?