It Doesn’t Take That Much to Build a Kid’s Confidence

Photo by Senjuti Kundu on Unsplash

“The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.” ~ Peggy O’Mara

I went to my favorite park. When I finished my walk, I found a cozy place in front of the lake where I can watch the gorgeous ducks and read my book. 

There were two kids, their parents and grandma playing not far from me. The boy was younger and displaying more confidence and freedom of action than his old sister who was almost silent.

I could feel her resentment and see her desperate and clumsy trials to prove her existence. My heart was bleeding. I couldn’t help but observe the dynamics of the relationships.

It didn’t take much time to start seeing some patterns. The kids had one bike. The boy was granted the first ride. He noticed I was observing him with a smile. It encouraged him to seek even more attention. He was acting silly and I was laughing!

At some point, he was stuck. His parents and grandma didn’t even notice. I ran in his direction and pushed him a little. Then, I smiled at him and made him believe in his ability to finish alone. I clapped enthusiastically and observed his sister’s reaction.

Her eyes were following the scene and saying, “I also want to be seen”. I asked her whether she wanted to try, to which she answered with a shy “yes”. Can you guess what her grandma said? Let me help you a little. “You can do it like your brother!”

The little girl didn’t even need me to push her in the tricky area where her brother had some issues to move earlier. She managed to find her way. She started unleashing the warrior inside of her. My heart started dancing!

After a while, they decided they wanted to try crossing a small bridge located in the middle of the lake. The father accompanied the boy, and the mother did the same for the girl.

When they were back, the woman was complaining to the grandma about her daughter in a sarcastic way as if she was trying to get some validation at her expense, “Goodness, she’s so annoying! She didn’t stop screaming and shaking! I’m so tired of her behavior!”

I could see embarrassment and shame on the girl’s face. She listened to every single word. All that I wanted to do at that moment was to take that innocent child far away from her abusive mother.

Unfortunately, that was not an option. Nonetheless, I could at least give a try to boost the kid’s confidence. I asked her while smiling affectionately, whether she wanted to try again. Her brother was still on the other side with her father.

She hesitated for a few seconds, which was legitimate, given she was still anxious. I comforted her and promised everything was going to be alright. When we were back, her face was sparkling. Can you give a guess who was ready to cross the bridge alone the third time?

Comparison Destroys Children’s Confidence

Comparing your kids is one of the most destructive parenting styles. It is responsible for creating and continuously nurturing what we call a “scarcity mentality”, which is merely emphasized by the distorted educational system afterward. Should you be interested, I imagined a new one here.

Parents Are Servant Leaders

I feel compelled to repeat myself when it comes to parenting and re-writing the program. In my humble opinion, at the moment of our conception, we are all naturally servant leaders eager to contribute with our great beings and gifted talents to uplifting the world.

Note I am saying at the moment of our conception instead of birth on purpose since our life-time of conditioning starts from the mother’s womb through her hormones.

If you are attentive, you can notice many kids come to life afraid. They were sadly vehiculated the message that the external world is a dangerous place to be avoided if possible.

Healthy parenting, which could only be the by-product of self-aware caregivers who worked on the majority of their program — or, at least, started the process for those of them who had their awakening after the conception, will keep the future adults connected to the original beings.

Healthy does not mean perfect and flawless. It means being an emotionally intelligent parent who learned to have an alert mind and an empowered heart, who lives wholeheartedly, including making mistakes and having enough internal security to apologize to their kids.

It means being a role model. It means consistently loving their children whose self-talk would look like this:

• My feelings get seen, heard, and understood, or at least made an attempt to.
  
  
• I get attuned to, so relating is safe.
  
  
• I can trust my caregiver.
  
  
• I’m worthy of having needs and worthy of those needs being met.
  
  
• My vulnerability isn’t a bad thing.

Takeaway

Alternatively, when we become adults and we realize our parents were unfortunately ignorant of the basics of healthy parenting as well as of the privilege of such a mission, nothing is lost, luckily.

Dysfunctional styles are responsible for all the mental & benign disorders, insecure attachment styles, and the tendency to be self-absorbed and selfish of many kind souls.

The good news is that the original being is never dead (okay, except for evil people who lost their soul to darkness). It is only numbed under the layers we built as an adaptation to our environment.

Know this: it is never too late to take your power back. Re-writing your program through destroying the limiting beliefs both about thyself and the world is the second chance you have to set the servant leader free.

The choice is yours. Choose wisely, and your future self, as well as the universe, will be grateful to your current one!